Do you ever get frustrated at your partners parenting? Their seemingly lack of effort or short temper? Or does the way they speak to your child ever just irritate you? ‘Common mate she doesn’t know your being sarcastic! Wait, you promised her McDonalds for dinner? What! Oh and you ordered lemonade with the happy meal and not an apple juice which you know I would have preferred; because hey, you know how I feel about carbonated drinks and the amount of crap they contain. Can you help me get her in the shower? Can you help me get her OUT of the shower? Do I have to do everything??
Sound about right? I thought so, and you know what – your partner probably has the exact same feelings about you and your parenting style. My partner has the most beautiful 6-year-old daughter. He loves her with his whole entire heart and she is most definitely the greatest thing he could have ever asked for and this he lets her know. She gives him meaning and their bond is nothing short of beautiful.
Over the last two years I have had the pleasure of being a part of this relationship and watching their love and devotion for each other grow. What I wasn’t expecting to experience though was the frustration I sometimes feel about his parenting. I sometimes wish he would talk to her differently, or pay her more attention, or take more leadership in his parenting role.
But do you know what… one day something surprising happened… he made me realise that everything I was frustrated with was due to my own conditioning. I had made these belief systems from my own childhood, from the way my parents parented me, and from how society had made me believe you ‘should’ parent and what was deemed acceptable. He made me realise that I was unconsciously passing those same beliefs onto him and his daughter as to how I thought the parenting should go and man am I grateful.
Babe she’s mucking about in the shower, can you get her to hop out?
Why? She’s a kid. She’s having fun, let her enjoy this moment.
OMG I can’t believe you brought her that crap, is it even food? Do you know how much rubbish is in that?
Is she not allowed a treat? Were you not a kid once?
Babe it’s pretty late, can you tell her no more YouTube and that it’s time for bed?
No. It’s Saturday night why does she have to go bed? She’ll go to bed when she’s tired!
Umm yeah right she’ll go to bed when she’s tired, are you serious? WELL did I get schooled! To my complete shock and surprise 20 minutes later I walk past her room and she’s done just that, tucked herself into bed – even with a crystal in hand!
So my love, to you I say thank you. Thank you for making me aware of my conditioning. Thank you for truly helping me be the conscious parent I want to be. Thank you for the frustration and the contrast which is allowing me to grow and evolve so that I can raise the most empowered, loving and conscious children possible.
And to my fellow parents, the next time your partner’s parenting irritates or frustrates the bejeebers out of you – remember to embrace the contrast! Acknowledge and appreciate that in this moment is an opportunity for you to grow and evolve.
Amy Shayanna xx